Away from Home and Finding a New One

Bakit Walang Nagbibilang ng Taon Year 4?

2010-01-05T16:33:00.001+07:00

Bakit nga ba?

A month before my 4th year anniversary I was recollecting, reflecting on something good to write for my anniversary blog. Obviously, nothing came up. I even tried to came up an idea after a month but still, nil.

And now few months more to go before year 5, nasan na ang year 4 blog?

Nagbibilang ng Taon 4: There's no Place Like Home

With God's blessings and never-ending providence. I had a chance to go back home. At first, I was not that really excited kasi I didn't save up much money before I go home. I, being spendthrift, I never prepared myself in going home. It was because of my mother's constant nagging with "lambing" that I should spend my holiday back home. "Kahit isang beses lang every 4 years." she said. It struck me, straight through the heart. It's like I prefer to stay and work in a foreign country and spend only a month out of 48 for them. So I gave in. I excited and at the same time, scared. It was my second time to ride a plane and the memory of my first flight is is still fresh in my mind. Believe it or not, I am still thinking that I might lose my passport.

I am dreading the "airport scenes". Most of the time (teka, parang always yata), there are always something bad comes up when we send someone off to the airport. From excess baggage to passport control, not matter how you prepared your departure, expect that something will come up. But ironically, the day turned out different than what I expect it to be. My departure in Suvarnabhumi airport turned out fine, until the plane departs and in fact, we landed in Clark International Airport a few minutes earlier as scheduled. I was thinking, it was saving the worst for last. I heard a lot of stories about how Filipino immigration, the strict/opportunist immigration officer. Strict because they will really open your baggage and check everything for those things that cannot bring to the Philippines. Opportunist because once they saw what's in your bag, they will pick something and ask if they can have it and out of shame you will give it. Again, ironic as my trip started, after the passport control, a guy in the custom check was waiting for me (I came first in the immigration check among all the passengers of the plane, I was not scared anymore because I secure my passport in the deepest pocket of my bag). He asked some question like "Ilang taon ka na?", "Anong ginagawa mo sa Thailand?", "Gano ka na katagal sa Thailand?", "Taga-san ka Pinas?" while flipping the pages of my passport. And the looks: strict/oppotunist. After checking the passport, he caught me looking at the door (I was checking if my family's waiting for me there) then he gave me my passport. I was about to open my bag. Digging deep in my pocket for the key in my luggage when he said. "Cge na, clear ka na." I mean my jaw literally dropped and i was thinking like "Can this day get better than this?" I was thanking him for a lot of times (by the way, I think he was so sure of what he is doing because I am all alone in the queue) and asking for forgiveness inside my head for judging him too quickly. I took my luggages and rushed to the door. The day gets better, I immediately got my answer.

A few meter from the door when I saw my younger sister Sare. It was that moment that all the 4 years of my life in Thailand becomes so clear to me. I ran to the door and gave each other a tight, warm hug. It was a few seconds that I notice that she was alone. She told me, my other siblings went to the toilet, Mama and Papa is looking for a parking spot and I was too early that the schedule time. We talked for a few moments before my other siblings came. "Si Ate, si Ann, si Dong, Si Marlon, asawa ni Sare., they are all here. Si Ann dadrama pa yata. She was running then stopped a meter away from me. Looked at me, eyes watering then approached me. "Laki ng ilong mo." she said. It was insulting I guess but it was much better than "Hello."

"Si mama kasama si Sam." From the parking lot, I saw my mother running with my pamangkin Sam. Sam, being as excited as i was, run towards me. Like what Ann did, stopped a meter away from me and looked at me from head to foot. Hindi na ko nakatiis, I grabbed him and gave a cuddly kiss on the cheeks. He was 2 years old when I went to Thailand. When I was still in the Philippines, he always hangs out in our house and we always go out, look and count the cars, jeep and tricycles passing by in our street. Then go to the store and buy Magnolia Chocolait for him and for me. It was his favorite. Nainggit lang si Tito. "Ayun si Mama, 10 meters away from me, umiiyak na." Well, She never saw me in 4 years, it was stressing her out, a lot. Tight hugs and kisses then she told me "Ang laki laki mo, mukha ka nang tatay." Insulting again but it was much better that "Umuwi ka pa?"

I was so high with the presence of my family around me. After 4 long years, so long the image was like a dream to me. I was busy talking and talking when someone throw his arms in my neck. "Ay si papa." (those were the exact words). At long last. I am with my family. I am home.

The things that I did when I was in the Philippines:
1. Reymay's Wedding (hang out with my college friends)

2. Visit the SM Mall of Asia (when I left, they were still building it). We watched T2 (horror movie with Maricel Soriano). I was suddenly missed the cinemas in Thailand because Filipinos are so noisy when they watch a movie in cinema houses. It was this scene when Maricel was being haunted by an "engkanto". "May sumisitsit sa kakahuyan." Annoying thing was, the engkanto stopped the sitsit but the kid beside me was still doing it.

3. Tumambay sa SM at Trinoma. Kumain ng unlimited rice sa Mang Inasal. Kumain ng dimsum sa may... nakalimutan ko na. Maglaro sa Timezone. Magikot sa kung saan saan. I saw how long I have been away because SM North Edsa was renovated and Trinoma is a good place to hang out. I was having the intention of just stay at home. Kasi nga walang budget but my so generous Ate always ask me to go out when she has time (and she has a lot of it when I went home) so I always reply "Timezone na lang tayo." She paid everything; the games, the movie, the food, the food again and more food, the baon that I brought when I went back to Thailand. Sobrang nahihiya nga ako nun kasi ako ung galing abroad ako ung walang pera. Sya pa ung nagagalit pag sinasabi ko na wag na lang lumabas kasi walang budget. "Walang sense ang pag-uwi mo kung magmumukmok ka lang sa bahay." I was planning to repay her back pero hindi pera, nagiisip pa.

4. The Flickristasindios Photowalk. It was the first time I met my co-members in Flickr group "Flickristasindios". Para akong nakameet ng celebrity. Nakita ko si jobaracuda sa personal (again, the exact same words). I got to know him because there was another Flickr Group (Philippines and they had a photo contest/exhibit last October 2008. I was so happy, ecsatic I guess, because my photo was chosen. Jobarracuda won the contest so parang idol na ang dating nya sa akin. I was so happy talking with "The Indios", hanging out with them, sharing photos and stories with them. And of course the Weekly Mamam. At least nakaattend ako twice. What's more fun than talking about photography with beer and sisig (sabayan pa ng jokes ang pangungulit)?

5. LaMesa Dam/Ecopark. Family outing. FUN!

6. at kung anu-ano pa na hindi ko na matandaan...

It was just awkward that the whole time I was there. I felt different. I know I am home and I am with my family but i felt like I was on vacation and went to another country. Everything was so different from they were when I left. The memories of the physical place of the place I called home suddenly looks like a blur. That was four years? I felt like I was away for a decade. I was starting to miss things and feel awkward with the new ones. I was like holding back in letting go of the memories and convincing myself not to embrace the fresh and soon-to-be-made memories. In the attempt of keeping my circle of convenience and my mantle of protection, I was being selfish to myself, the chance to grow and to face more opportunities. It was then before I left and go back to the Thailand that I started to feel that I need give room for the memories. To replace the old with the new. To change the oil and start running with fresh. Yes, I was sad because of the fresh memories that was being played in my head over and over again. And the additional perk, these fresh memories makes me more inspired in working in a place away from home. The pictures so vivid that everytime I relive it, it's like I'm living it all over again. At first, I was like kind of killing myself why I made the decision of going home. I was like "Okay ka naman nung nag-4 na taon ka, kinaya mo, ngaun nalulungkot at nag-iisip na muli, nag-iisa ka na naman. Pauwi-uwi ka pa kasi." Little did I know, that these fresh memories help me crave for much more memories once I go back to the place that I will always call home.

Care to make more memories? Sure. December is just around the corner and before I know it, I am making fresh "Christmas" memories with my family.

The Indios Experience

2008-12-10T16:23:00.000+07:00

On December 15-19, the Flickr group Flickristasindios will have their first-ever photo exhibit called "The Indios Experience".

The Flickristasindios will showcase their best photos through different genres and subjects which shows the passion that binds them together.
They will display selected 80 photos of 80 members, photos of their weekly HMT (Happy Mamam Thursday), outreach programs, photoshoots, etc.
I'm proud being my photo "Boatman" included in the photo exhibit.

I was strolling in my place, (Samchuk, Suphanburi, Thailand) then we decided to visit Wat Samchuk. We (with my colleague) were crossing the bridge to to the temple, when we saw a man on a boat, going to our direction, on the river under us. I took the opportunity to capture this moment.
I remember a friend of mine told me that sometimes, you need a right moment to capture a good shot. No matter what kind of camera you are using.
I started taking pictures using my cameraphone. A Nokia 6600. My friends called me crazy when there were time we were just walking then I'll asked them to stop for a moment, took out my phone and started taking pictures. I captured different subjects like macro shots of flowers, of bowling balls, little children sleeping.
Frustrations are now turning to achievements as my photos are appreciated by other people, most importantly, by the photography community.
I just wish I am in the Philippines to see my photo in the exhibit. My photo with other photos of the Flickristasindios. My photo being appreciated by other people.

Propagating Friendship Award

2008-10-28T10:09:00.000+07:00

A college friend, also a blogger, gave me this link to her blog. An award passed from one blogger to another. Jes is a mom of two kids. She blogs about her little angels and selling house and lots.

Thank you Jes. Keep blogging

Now, I am passing this award to Willi
A 2-time Palanca Awardee in America and the mastermind of the Lagalag: A Traveling Journal of Filipinos. And of course, a blogger.

Ikatlong Banat: Flickristas Shoot 8

2008-10-14T17:09:00.000+07:00

Inspired by a friend, I started taking photographs just using my cameraphone long time ago. A month ago, I bought my first DSLR camera.

I am so happy, ecstatically happy being my photo included in the exhibit. A feeling of fulfillment as an amateur (or as a friend said to me "frustrated") photographer.

Anyway, it won't stop there. I'm very willing to learn more things about photography.

A friend told me that she thinks that photographers are pathetic, with that big gadget always with them and all. Actually, I kind of forgot her reasons why they are pathetic because while she is telling me all these reasons, my mind is racing with how I will answer to it. I told her that for me, photography is art. It's like painting a picture, instead using paints, brush and canvas, photographers use camera, lens, film and photo paper. Like painters, photographers make their own masterpieces by capturing finest moments, peoples' emotions, landscapes of grandeur, beautiful ways of Mother Nature. Painters and photographers are not different from each other. Sharing their feelings through their own ways of art. she just answered "So you're answering for them? Or you feel like you're one of them?". I just smiled. Maybe I can be one of them, maybe I can capture these "works of art" and share it to the world. I just had my first step. My photo is in the Flickrista Shoots Eight Exhibit.

This is my photo entry in the exhibit. Although it didn't win, I am still happy that my photo is included in the exhibit. But most of all, my family visited the exhibit and they love my photo (they even thought that I have a chance of winning the prize). Being appreciated by my family in all of my endeavors makes me feel that the world appreciated my work.

Unang Liham Para kay Mama (sa Internet)

2008-07-12T01:13:00.000+07:00

It was December 2005 when I wrote this on my Friendster's blog. I'm counting the days before my 26th birthday and I am starting to miss my family.

Driven by inspiration, I wrote this. For the greatest fan and the greatest hero of my life.
Unang pasko ko na hindi ko kayo kasama. Nakakalungkot pero isipin ko lang na kahit papano makakatulong ako sa mga problema at kapag naging maayos na ako dito ay lalong magiging maayos ang buhay natin kahit papano.

Naaalala ko nun nung minsang umuwi ako sa bahay, galing school, nasa elementary ako nun. Nagulat ka kasi hindi pa uwian, umuwi na ko at umiiiyak. Nagsumbong ako, niloloko kasi ako ng mga kaklase ko. Bumalik tayo sa school at kinausap (hindi sinigawan) ang mga kaklase ko na nanloloko sa kin.

Minsan pang naglalaro ako sa kalye ng Manggahan, nanggulo ung kapitbahay naming bully. Nakita mong inaambaan ako ng suntok. Hindi mo pa rin sya sinigawan, sabi mo "Sige, magsuntukan kayo." Hindi ko rin maalala ang mga sunod na pangyayari, napatumba ko sya at parang ilang minutong naging sikat ako sa tin, napataob ko salbaheng bata. Umuwi ako, umiiyak. Pero may tuwa sa kalooban, simula noon kahit papano natuto na ako kung pano lumaban.

Minsan umuwi ako sa bahay galing school, kolehiyo na ako noon. Pagbaba ng bag, telepono agad ang hinanap ko. May kausap ako, yung nililigawan ko. Tinatanong ko kasi kung totoo bang sinagot na nya yung isang kaklase namin nanliligaw sa kanya, na isang linggo pa lang nya nililigawan, at ako, buwan na. Maya-maya, binaba ko tapos tawag uli, si Nikki naman kausap ko. Nakita mo na lang ako, umiiyak, humahagulgol. Kahit pagkababa na ng telepono, umiiyak pa rin ako. Niyaya mo na akong kumain. Medyo ok na ko nun habang kumakain. Nilapitan mo ako tapos niyakap. "Ok lang yan kuya, ganyan talaga ang buhay". Muli, nangilid ang luha sa mata ko at nagsimula uli akong humagulgol.

Napakarami na nang dinaanan mo, natin. Naging saksi ako sa 22 taong pinakakasalukuyang pangyayari sa buhay mo. Ilang taon lang doon ang ako'y magkamalay at nakaintindi. Madalas, tikom-bibig lang ako manood sa mga ito. Pero sa loob ko, naging masaya ako sa maliligayang sandali at malungkot sa pinagdaaanang pagsubok. Minsan lang natandaan ko na nakapagsalita ako na wag ka nilang apihin, lasing ako sa bahay ng kaklase ko.

Pero kahit ganun man, nanatili kang matatag sa lahat ng mga ito. Naging inspirasyon ko ito habang nandito ako, malayo sa piling nyo. Ang katatagan na ito ang nagpapagalaw sa mga paa ko at nagbibigay enerhiya sa kin upang gumising araw-araw at magtrabaho.

At ngayon, kayo naman ang may kailangan ng balikat na sasandalan, sana ay maipahayag ko, sa pamamagitan ng sulat na ito, na kahit malayo ako, nandito ako para magsilbing balikat upang akayin ang mabigat mong ulo at nang gumimhawa ang pakiramdam mo.

Tulad mo, lalakasan ko pa ang loob ko para malampasan din ang mga problema ko, at sana wag ka ring mawalan ng lakas ng loob at tiwala sa Diyos. May balik na maganda rin ang lahat ng ito.

Tulad nga ng sinabi ng isang kaibigan ko, "May dahilan ang lahat na ito." at alam kong makatarungan ang Diyos sa kung ano mang dahilan na nasa likod nang pinagdadaanan nating ito.

Magiging malungkot ang pasko ko, pero isipin ko lang na nandyan ka, kayo, nasa likod ko upang gabayan ako, magiging masaya na rin ito.

Miss na miss ko na kayo! Alagaan nyo ang sarili nyo at magtulungan kayo, tayo.

Mahal na mahal kita, Ma!

Assorted Pics

2008-06-14T22:26:00.000+07:00

Laos Trip

Nagbibilang ng Taon 3: R E B O O T

2008-06-14T22:19:00.000+07:00

One of the things that I enjoy is music. It serves as fuel for me when my day starting to trash down on me. It gives me hope when I am helpless. It makes me realize my worth when I feel useless. I am enjoying it more when I dance with it.

When I was in my first year college, me and a close friend decided to join a school dance competition, just for fun doing the thing you love, and for the prize of course. At first, the hope is high. Everything flowed smoothly, the choreography was good, the music was entertaining. But in the day of the competition, we unfortunately chose the number of the group that will first perform. We were prepared, but on that moment, we felt falling. Then after that, while watching the other groups perform, the hope of winning became blurry then gone. There was no reason to be happy, they were better than us.

The next year, I decided not to join. I saw déjà vu, the moment of shame, clearly the same as last year. Why should I do it again? Doing things that will hurt me over and over again? Why should I waste time? There are more important things to take care of than to join the competition with a nil chance of winning. My friends still tried to join without me. They want me to get envy, practicing the routine in front of me. And yes, I did got envy but still pride reigned over me. I tried to hide it but a very close friend saw it in my eyes. I failed to hide it from her. She made me change my mind, with just words. No mind pressure. “ Are you in the right mind in stopping yourself in doing things that you really wanted to do? It’s like taking your own life. Dancing your life and are you prepared to take it away from you?” In that predicament, I took away the prize from eyes, the shame, losing. The next couple of days, the rehearsals flowed smoothly. We were just doing what we love, that will complete the gaps in our character. The real “me”. The real “us”.

I named our group Reboot, a computer term, to restart the system. That’s what we did, we rethink everything. Like in a computer, when you reboot it, it wastes a lot of energy, it’s not easy to redo and recreate it. We used a lot time and energy but we didn’t get tired because we love what we are doing. We learned from our past errors, used the lesson learned to make a new dance. In the day of the competition, the only thing we did is to dance, enjoying the moment of doing the thing I enjoy doing, my life. Amidst the cheer of the crowd, we are relieved that we are giving them the entertainment they want to see that day, way satisfying that winning the prize. We gave them what they deserve. At the end of the day, we brought home the grand prize.

I am now working in a rural area of Thailand, two driving hours away from the hustle and bustle of Bangkok. The world I never get use to live with. Far from the world that mold me as me. And yet, there is not feeling of un-belongingness inside me. I am meant to be here.

In the third year of being here in Thailand, a lot of things happened to me. A lot of mistakes, a lot of misconceived decisions, a lot of things to be corrected. I had the good job at the first half of the year. Good salary, opportunity to escape from a world full of fools and lies, but I risk losing some good friends. One big sacrifice from one big decision that I need to endure. They were in that world, they live there and they have to stay and I have to go. One thing that I learned, decisions will not give perfect results. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something. At the end, I just now realize the real importance of living and working abroad. Once you want something, sacrifices are also in the package. It will never be easy. It will never be prefect.

At the end of the year, I just learned my true worth as a Christian. One friend asked me to attend the Christian Life Program of the Singles for Christ – Central Bangkok. It was the third time I received the invitation from 3 different persons in three different situations but in that moment I felt that it was the real calling for me, an invitation to know Him more and his part in my life. One the first day of the program, I said to myself, “Satisfaction makes me enjoy things. If I am satisfied and enjoyed doing this, I’ll commit my Sundays for this and if not, no more next Sunday. It didn’t fail me. At the end of the day I decided to continue to walk on this journey towards Him. And at the end of the program, I huge change happened in my life. I realized all the sinful things I did for a long time. It made me realized the real meaning of life on earth. Understanding hope, the never-ending hope that God is always with you. Everything flowed smoothly. Everything was so easy, even at those times that I was unemployed for two months and living on the money owed from friends. I am not anymore afraid of living in a place without relatives and a place that I have to be independent and alone. Something is always in store for me. Someone’s watching over me. Not on the moment that certain things will happen on the time I wanted it to happen but I know that God has answer in His time, in His mercy. I have to trust him. One time, I just came home from one of the talks in CLP. I always told my housemate, a dear friend all the things that I learned on that day. I saw her touched and teary-eyed. I told her all the things that happened to me since we live on the same house. I call her “ninang” since she is like a godmother to me, always has an ear to listen to my stories. I told her everything, no secrets. She knows all the things that happened to me. She told me that I was an answer to all of her prayers. She told me that I am a concrete evidence that God moves in mysterious and powerful ways in our lives.

Before the summer vacation ends, I attended the First Birthday party of my friend’s child. In one unexpected circumstances, one of the people who were always there in all the parties that I attended in that place approached me and asks me if I am fine. Even though things are weighing down in my shoulder, I said I am fine. Then after that, she asked me about my job. I told her the real situation of my employment. I trusted her even though I don’t really know her well. Unexpectedly, she told me that a friend her (who were always with her in all the get together) who were working in her school left and went back to Philippines so their school is needing a teacher, a Science and Math teacher which is my major and minor subject of specialization. She recommended me to work in her school. I was not that really interested but I tried to go there for an interview. The salary is good, the school is beautiful, the students are nice, the teachers are hospitable and I will teach what I love to teach. There is only one hunch, the school is in the province. The first thing that came to my mind, I am a city boy, I don’t think that I will last in that place. Still I tried and went to the place. The place is civilized, but there are no tall buildings and houses, well-lit roads and streets, noisy cars and people, and unlimited internet connection. This is not the place that I used to live in. The only “fun” place to go is the nearby Tesco Lotus and market.

They accept my application and I signed the contract for the reason that I will teach what I love to teach. My previous teaching job that I had, I also receiving a good salary but teaching is very stressful for me since it was not what I want to teach.

My previous job asked me again to work for them. I became confused. Two situations are brawling inside my head: a nice but sad life in Suphanburi and the fun but stressful work in Bangkok. In an advice of a friend, I went to the toilet, locked myself in one of the cubicle and prayed. I ask light in that time that the future is blur to be seen. When I went out of the toilet, I am now decided; I chose the life in the province.

One night, I was in my friend’s house (the one who recommended me for the job) and sharing stories. She told me the reason why she approached me and talked to me the day she offered me to work in the province. She said that she saw me sad and was in deep thinking in that day that I am trying to suit in a happy occasion. In that moment, she also heard a tiny voice, “Ask him if his fine.” One whisper of chance is the answer to my prayer. God again did not disappoint me. He showed me the real power of prayers. God always provides, in those times that I need help. As long as I know how to ask and talk to Him, He will not disappoint me, not on the time I am expecting it to happen but in the time according to His plan. In that moment, the time favors for the answer of my prayers.

Now, I am now living the real life of a worker in another country. The joy of sending enough money for my family back home, the real sacrifice, a real work. One huge start from one big change. A new life as a Filipino and as a Christian. I’m choreographing a new dance again, groovy and the audience will enjoy watching me dancing it, those people in my life. I just pressed the reset button of my life. Reflected all the things that happened in my life, correcting the errors, let God reign over me and my life. It is stressful but I know I will be happy after this. In the time that I will dance again, I know how to move to the beat. In the time that my system works again, my mind is refreshed, I can now do my duties and obligations. I am happy with what I am doing at I should fear nothing, in my enemies, in trials, as long as I know that God is always on my side.

Video Blog 3: Video Testimonial for Jeanny

2008-03-07T00:48:00.000+07:00

My friend Jeanny got married last December. She dropped me a lot of messages before her wedding date but I didn't sens any message for her. So I made this video blog for her.

Jeanny is one of my special friends. We have a very special story about her friendship. Mostly, kids who get along when they were young never ended up best friends when they grow up but in our case, the opposite of it. We don't like each other, or should I say i don't really like her when we were young. She used to have a very bad temper, she got angry easily and she freaked out at some certain level. We went on the same school since kindergarten, high school (except 3rd and 4th year since I transferred to another school and in college, we went to same school and took up the same course. That's when we realize that we are meant to be friends, good friends. We share a lot of things to each other, even those sensitive things that both of us only knows.

Now she is living in New Zealand with her better half and I keep on thinking when will it happenned again, the days of us sharing secrets and stuffs, laughing at each other jokes, singing duet at the videoke, and hanging out on anywhere we want to go. Well, things changes, sometimes the things that you don't expect to change. It will just one day, blown in front of your face and you will say "What was just happened?" and the only thing that you can do, ACCEPT it. The hardest thing to do but the best. Yet, it is hard to let go, you just have to release anyway. You might enjoy looking at it, wandering around happily, makes you full happy too.

We seldom talk to each other now, because of the distance, time difference and mode of communication but well, I know, deep down inside me, she is one of the best "buds" that I have and will always have.

Speaking of changes, you will notice some changes in me in the video. The hair, the face, the figure...I don't know. Just watch it, and don't try to contact me and tell me what it is. I'm sick of hearing it everyday. (hehehehehehe)

Fun Way to do with Your Music Player

2007-12-21T14:33:00.000+07:00

There are ten given questions. Set your Ipod/mp3/mp4 player on shuffle/random. Press forward for each question. Use each song title as an answer to each question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.

Over 200 songs in my mp4 player surveyed.
Random playing says …
1) HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
Say Ok by Vanessa Hudgens
(Will you wipe my tears away
Will you hold me closer
When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better.)

2) HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS SEE YOU?
Can We Rock Fu Shnicken with Shaquille O Nea
l(Check it out yo, I smile like Groucho Marx
I make a joke, hokey pokey, and slide by like egg yolk)

3) WILL YOU EVER FIND TRUE LOVE?Buttons by Pussycat Dolls
(Typical and hardly
The type I fall for
I like it when the physical
Don't leave me askin' for more)

4) WHAT IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE?
If You Come Back by Blue
(For all this timeI've been lovin' you girl
Oh yes I have
And ever since the day
You left me here alone
I've been trying to find
A reason why)

5) WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE?
The Remedy by Jason Mraz
(I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life away)

6) WHAT IS TODAY GOING TO BE LIKE?
What I’ve Done by Linkin Park
(For what I've done I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

7) WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THIS WEEKEND?Come Rain Come Shine by Tata Young
(Bring in the rain, bring in the shine
Let it go stop wasting time,
I'm calling out to you)

8) WHAT SONG BEST DESCRIBES YOU?
Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows
(So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming
All this love melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love)

9) HOW’S LIFE SO FAR?
This Temptation by Blue
(I know that we've both been herebefore
Thats why I really wanna be sure
But now the moments here
Never been too good at this temptation)

10) WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Unbelievable by Craig David
(I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.)

Bangkok Love Story (Guns and Gays)

2007-09-05T13:45:00.000+07:00

I saw a huge movie poster of this new Thai movie and I looked for its trailer in Youtube. What caught my interest? In the poster, two guys sitting in a sofa, one guy leaning on the other guy, holding a gun in his left hand while the other guy is, well. trying to hold the guys's other "gun". The movie is เพื่อน กูรักมึงวะ (Peuan Ku Ruk Mueang Ja) and its English Title is Bangkok Love Story.
Here is the trailer of Bangkok Love Story:

Mek is a hitman who was hired to kill a certain rich guy, It. Mek keeps on following It looking for a chance to kill him. A perfect chance came but something in his mind is telling him to do it. When a hit gone wrong, Mek nursed It for a few days. In an unexpected situation, they fell in love with each other.

And here is the official soundtrack of the movie อยากรู้ แต่ไม่อยากถาม (Yak ru te mai yak tam) English: I want to know but i don't want to ask by Calories Blah Blah.

I was reminded of one of my favorite movie, Brokeback Mountain. Bangkok Love Story is like the Thailand version of the movie. Different setting, different story line, but one theme: Extraordinary forbidden love challenged to last in a rude world.

The movie will be shown on 13 September and I'll probably seeing it.

Beyond Forgetting by Rolando Carbonel

2007-08-28T21:16:00.001+07:00

For a moment I thought I could forget you.
For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart.
I thought the past could no longer haunt me – nor hurt me.
How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant is as much a part of me as life itself.
And you are part of that life.
You are so much a part of me – of my dreams,
my early hopes,
my youth
and my ambitions –
that in all my task I can’t help remembering you.
Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came.
And would my pride mock my real feelings?
Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face,
be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone…
I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song…

And yet I remembered.
For who could forget the memory of the once lovely,
the once beautiful, the one happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung.
I cannot sing it without you.
The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune,
because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness.
Can’t you understand?
Can’t you divine the depth of my feelings towards you?
Yes, can’t you see how I suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you took my silence for indifference.
But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart.
For how could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks
a more eloquent tone?
But, perhaps you didn’t understand.

Remember, I came, because the gnawing loneliness is there
and will not be lost until the music is sung,
until the poem is heard,
until the silence is understood…
until you come to me again.
For you alone can blend music and memory
into one consuming ecstacy.
You alone…

Nagbibilang ng Taon (part 2)

2007-05-31T17:01:00.000+07:00

30 May 2007

Nakauwi na ako ng bahay after ng work ng maalala ko, pangalawang taon ko na pala 'to sa Thailand. Kaninang 2 ng umaga, 2 years ago, naghihintay kami ng bagahe namin na hndi pa dumarating. Anyway, kagabi pa ako nagiisip kung anong magandang ilagay sa blog ko sa pang 2nd year anniversary ko sa Thailand. Ngayon ko lang naiisip kung ano.

I was watching music videos in Veoh.com then I remember a Tagalog song. My sister tol me "Bagay sa yo ung kantang to kuya." and when my mom saw the video (we were watching the music video in Myx) she said "Ay, parang si Kuya".

Here's the video of Sugarfree "Hari ng Sablay"

Sablay: hindi sumasakto, mali ang kwenta, at sa makabagong kahulugan; madalas pumalpak.

Sa ikalawang taon ko dito, marami rin akong sablay, as in marami. Maraming bagay na nawala sa ayos, mga taong naapektuhan at nagalit, mga nakakalungkot na desisyon, mga makabagbag damdaming pagbabago.

Sa una, iniisip ko, hari ako ng sablay, walang tumatagal, maraming pumapalpak, maraming nawawala. Bakit nga ba madalas ako sumablay? Nakakatawa mang isipin, minsan nakakatuwaan ko na lang pagkasablay ko, parang nasasanay na ung mga tao sa paligid, ang ginawa na lang nila, makisabay sa pagkasablay ko. Pero minsang naisip ko, bakit ako sumablay, saan sa parte na un ako sumablay. Mga bagay na pinakahawak-hawakan ko, pinagkaingat-ingatan ko, nang dahil sa walang kamalayan kong pagsablay, nawala. Ang resulta; naging desperado ako at ang nakakatuwa (o nakakainis) mas pinili ko ang sumablay pa ng maraming ulit. Naging masaya ba ako, hindi. Pero nasa isip ko na dahil sa pagkasablay din naman nakuha ko un, baka maswertehan makakuha ulit ako ng bago.

Maraming naiba sa pananaw ko, sa maraming bagay, un siguro mga side-effect ng mamuhay mag-isa, ang mamulat sa totong kulay ng mundo at pakisamahan ito para mabuhay, maka-survive. Sa pakikisama sa tao, sa paghawak ng ilang bagay, maraming nagbago. Minsan nga nakakatuwang panoorin, kasama kong sumasablay ang maraming tao at sa tingin ko, natural ang sumablay, ang matawag na hari ng sablay.

Walang masamang sumablay, hindi mo kasi makikita kung anong pangit ang kalalabasan ng isang bagay kung hindi ka sasablay (lalo na sa mga taong nagiging masaya sa kasalukuyan at dahil din hindi na iniisip ang pwedeng kahantungan ng hinaharap). Makikita mo ang mali at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, maranasan mo ulit, hindi ka na sasablay.

Aminado ako, hari ako ng sablay, madalas magkamali (isang tama, sampung mali, ganyan ako pumili) at alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi na naulit ang ilang mga sablay sa pangyayari (maliban nga lang sa ilang bagay na, hanggang ngayon sumasablay pa rin ako). Hindi ako maapektuhan kung tawagin pa nila akong hari ng sablay, kahit sila man maiisip nila isang araw na isa rin silang hari o reyna ng sablay. Kung ano pa man mangyari, handa pa rin ako harapin kung ano pang kasablayan na mangyayari sa kin dito. Katulad na rin un nang pagsabing hindi ako huminto na matuto at makita ang mali at kung mangyari man ulit, ilang beses na lang ako sasablay.

What's happening to Youtube?

2007-04-04T14:47:00.000+07:00

I opened my e-mail this morning, then I received mails from Youtube that someone leave a message and a comment in my account and someone subscribed in my videos.

Then, I tried to check it on Youtube. Unfortunately, I can't open the site. I just thought that maybe Youtube is doing a maintenance of their site because it happened before, couple of weeks ago.

Then this afternoon, my colleague showed me the reason why we can't open the Youtube site.

It's a sad news for those who are frequently watching videos in Youtube here in Thailand.

And it is a sad news for me 'cos I can't make more video blogs and I can't watch my previous video blogs here in my blogsite.

The link: http://www.bangkokpost.net/topstories/topstories.php?id=117871

2nd Video Blog: IBS and colleagues

2007-04-02T12:23:00.001+07:00

About my school

Featuring Red and Hannah (my colleagues).

Sorry about the bunch of OK's and So's!

My First Video Blog

2007-03-16T11:23:00.000+07:00

My First Video Blog.
About the first song I composed
Enjoy! (Bawal okray!)

(full version)

For once in my life, I have found someone
Someone whom I can share my dreams with
And in this point in my life, I promise
that this love will live with my dreams

A love that will never be torn
A love that will keep my faith strong

You're the angel standing in the rain
Waiting for me then we dance and sing
Like an angel always there for me
My wandering angel, come and rescue me

Now that you're gone, all my dreams just faded
And I can still get you out of my head
I want you to stay, but now you're far away
Guess I have to live my life with you in it

And now this love has been torn
But this love has made me more strong
Now I know where I belong

You were the angel standing in the rain
That I loved to dance and sing with
Like an angel always there for me
The wandering angel that came and rescue me

I have faith and I have hoped
On the two of us together
and now all of these have drifted away
And in just the nick of time
As fast as the moments passing by
I'm done waiting for you to be mine
now I know where I belong

You were the angel standing in the rain
That I loved to dance and sing with
Like an angel always there for me
The wandering angel that came and rescue me

For once in my life, I have found someone...

Talantor-Loreto Family

2007-03-11T13:06:00.000+07:00

It was Sunday, tomorrow's a big day for me, first day of work. I feel tense and very nervous. The spotlight's on me. Then something happened, a big announcement from my sister, she's 3 months pregnant!
Before I went here, my "pamangkin" was more than a year old.
Before, daming hassle, problema. We just had this rationale that they are still young that's why they are dealing it immaturely.
Now, I am so happy and relieved. My extended family is doing good and well.
Grabe din ang courting and love story ng 2 'to but I am so happy that they are doing good in being a parent and being a husband to his wife/ wife to her husband.

My "bayaw' made this video for her wife. Enjoy!!!!

Sam sings "Super Hero" by Sponge Cola

2007-03-08T15:17:00.000+07:00

Presenting... my talented pamangkin

Zamuel Jan Talantor Loreto

Sleeping Children

2007-02-24T15:50:00.000+07:00

Sa school na pinagtatrabahuhan ko, magkasama ang Kindergarten, Primary and Secondary level and if I have time, I usually visit my "anaks" sa Kindergarten. Everyday, may napping time and mga Kindergarten students and these are some of the pics that I taken.

Everytime titingin ako sa mga pictures na 'to, I tried to reflect on some things. "Sana katulad din nila ako na wala masyadong pinuproblema sa mundo, tahimik na matutulog at mapapanaginipan ang mga simpleng bagay na gusto ko."

Christmas in Bangkok 2

2007-02-22T15:44:00.000+07:00

Quotable Quotes

2007-02-21T15:56:00.000+07:00

Quotable quotes is a collection of selected humorous anecdotes, sayings and jokes from famous and not-so famous people, of real men and women. (from Geddes and Grosset)

Here are some of my favorites:

Small child to unattractive male visitor: "I wanted to see you specially, cos mother said you were a self-made man."
"So I am, my dear, so I am. And proud of it."
"But-but why did you make yourself look like that?

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The late Eammon de Valera, the principal architect and first President of the Irish Republic, was in the middle of a revolutionary speech when he was arrested ans subsequently sent to prison for 12 months.

Immediately after serving his sentence, he was asked by his supporters to speak again and began his speech with the words, "As i was saying when i was rudely interrupted..."

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A lady in an advanced stage of pregnancy was approached by the village gossip who said, "Excuse me, but are you going to have a baby?"

"Oh no," replied the other drily, " I'm just carrying this around for a friend."

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Just as a transatlantic liner was putting out to sea, a young woman fell overboard, and was heard to scream that she couldn't swim. Seconds later, to the astonishment of all present, an elderly man of over 70, went hurtling after her and eventually, amid rousing cheers, brought her to safety.
Such was the admiration felt for the old man's heroism that a abnquet was held in his honour at which the captain of the ship made a speech, and amid the applause which followed, the old mas was urged to reply. He accordingly rose and said, "I've only one thing to say. Who pushed me?"

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On her wedding day, Miss A spent hours on her appearance. She tried every beauty treatment, and was finally satisfied with the result. At the altar she joined her bridegroom, who looked at her and said, "Who are you?"

--------------------------------------------------

Lady listening to the singing of a choir in a nearby church to ardent naturalist listening to the crickets: "It's very beautiful, isn't it?" Naturalist: Yes, and the extraordinary thing is that they do it by rubbing their legs together."

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And some of "quoatable quotes" from real people, my friends and me!

Boy : (while watching Memoirs of a Geisha) Dadalhin sila sa remote area. Para di sya kasamang mahuli sa gyera.

Girl: (umandar ung karwahe sa palabas na hatak-hatak ng tao) Ay galing, remote controlled sya!

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Boy: Ang ninang ko nagtatrabaho sa Las Vegas, taxi driver, marami ngang naiingit sa kanya dun e.

Girl: Bakit naman?

Boy: Alam mo na mga pinoy, palangiti, "hospital" (supposed to be hospitable).

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Girl 1: (About Chinese new year ampao) I talked to my friend (so Yahoo M) and sabi ko na nagbibigay ung may-ari ng school ng ampao sa lahat ng teachers. Para daw swertehin sya. Kaya lang sabi nya wag daw gastusin para pati ikaw swertihin. Sabi ng friend ko in capital letters, PWEDE BA SA MGA PINOY UN?

Girl 2: Sinong ngsabi pwedeng i-capital ung pera?

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Girl: (while eating lunch)Masyadong malambot ung byabas, gusto ko ung toasted.

Boy: CRUNCHY!

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Teacher 1: Teacher help me bring in the books.

Teacher 2: At last Ajarn, the books have arrived.

Teacher 1. Not atlas teacher, textbooks.

(to be continued)

A Love Story in Harvard

2007-02-01T17:00:00.000+07:00

Alas onse ng gabi, usually tulog na mga tao sa bahay ng ganitong oras pero lately may maririnig ka pang tumitili, ung kinikilig, tatawa minsan may sisigaw sa galit sa sala. It's because of the "A Love Story in Harvard Fever" and it invades Filipino houses in Bangkok.

Sa Pilipinas pa lang ako, nahiligan ko na rin manood ng mga Korean novelas, buhay kasi ang bahay sa primetime hours kaya simula sa news sa gabi hanggang sa pinakahuling telenovela sa gabi, gising lahat ng tao sa bahay. Isa pa nga sa kinaiinisan ko noon bago ako umalis papunta e rito e hndi ko mapapanood ung ending ng "Memories of Bali".

Ngayon, balik na naman ang Korean telenovela fever dito sa mga Filipinos sa Thailand. Downloaded from the internet ung "Love Story in Harvard". Even here, Thais are going crazy on Korean soaps. Most of the recent telenovelas dito, pinalabas na sa Pinas.

What's with "A Love Story in Harvard"?. A Korean guy (si Pangit. We named him Pangit kasi hindi sya kasi pogi but habang tumatagal, mapapansin at maatract ang mga kababaihang nanonood), who has a very famous father lawyer, went to US to study law at Harvard. At first it was very difficult for him because he can't get along easily with his professor. Then he later found out another guy (si Pogi, kasi pogi naman kasi talaga sya) studying law in his school. San si leading lady. He met the girl (si Cute), but thy're meeting is not a good one. He caught the girl in one of the professor's office and the professor is naked. She was seen working in bars and escorting some guys. Kaya akala ni Pangit, prosti si Cute. May away of course pero they get together easily because of the guy's ability to make someone feel good (from Cute's point of view). Anyway, ung babaeng panggulo (meron naman palagi nun) ay anak ng may-ari ng isang law firm sa America. May gusto sya (si Daot) kay Pogi, and she did everything she can to get him.

Sa mga unang episodes, puro paerehan at pataasan ni Pangit saka ni Pogi to win the heart of Cute. But at the end of course, si Pangit ang nagwagi. Marami silang problems naencounter sa Harvard, one of the worse ones is kamuntikan ng matanggal sa school si Cute (student sya sa Harvard College of Medicine).

The sad is kailangan umalis ni Cute for her research and study program na inofeer sa kanya ng university. They spent the last days together bago umalis si Cute. Walang alam si Pangit sa plano ni Cute. He knows about the research and study program pero di nya alam kung kailan. Then the last night umalis si Cute leaving Pangit alone.

Here are some of the lines bago umalis si Cute:

"Siguro kailangan na nating bawasan ang pagmamahal natin sa isa't isa bago ka umalis. At least kahit mawala ka, hindi masyado masakit."

Note na iniwan ni Cute sa bed pagkaalis nya.

"Eto na ung tamang panahon para bawasan na natin ang pagmamahal natin sa isa't isa."

Naghiwalay sila, grumaduate si Pangit, after 3 years nagkita ulit sila sa Korea.

"What will happened after several years, nagkita ulit kayo, may possibility kaya na mahalin nyo ulit ang isa't isa at magsimula ng bago.?"

Sa kalagayan ni Pangit at ni Cute, naging posible, pero sa totoong buhay, posible kaya?

Ang Pagsasayaw...

2007-01-17T09:46:00.001+07:00

This was posted in my Friendster blog (http://spidey_addict12.blogs.friendster.com). I keep asking myself kasi; why I give everything, my whole self and heart,to someone I got really close with? Kahit sa friend o sa lover, I'm always like this, ending up hurt and depressed. And the depression make me do crazy things. This is one of the crazy things i did because of that feeling.

Frustrated writer ako. Bakit frustrated? Kasi di talaga ako nakakapagsulat ng ordinaryong araw. Alam mo naman siguro ang mga writers kahit anong araw at weather nakakapagsulat pero ako toyoin. Minsan akong nakapagsulat ng short stories dahil sa sawi ako sa pag-ibig (love story ang theme), minsan naman eh suspense (sa textmate ang kwento), minsan naman eh poems dahil masama ang loob ko sa kaibigan ko and sa love din. Nakapagcompose ng kanta para sa minamahal. Mga ganun. Pero eto sa isa sa mga pinakapaborito ko mga nasulat ko. Ewan ko kung anong tawag dito kung story or essay or something. Basta free writing!
Ang kuwento naman nito, sawi sa pag-ibig. Ako! Medyo mababaw pero sa chat lang kami nagkakilala (nagchachat na ko nung mIRC palang kaya wag mag-isip ng iba ang mga nagbabasa), pero sa phone lang kami nag-uusap. Matagal din kami magkakilala, siguro halos 1 year din. Mabait naman siya and sweet (lam nyo un ung mga tipong, "Kumain ka na ba?", "Wag ka masyadong magpakapagod.", "TCCIC."). Dahil dun kaya nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya at dahil dun din kaya ko inakalang kahit papano ay may nararamdaman sya para sa kin (kahit papano talaga eh no!). Nakakatuwa man isipin pero sinabi ko sa kanya na nililigawan ko na siya and hindi siya nagsabi ng "Wag mo nang ituloy kasi wala talaga." o "Great, actually mahal din kita". Tuloy lang ako, text, chat, phone lahat-lahat then one time nagplano ng eyeball at sya ang nagplano nun. Napakaexcited ko nun (nga pala, kilala ko na mukha nya sa pic). As in the day before the eyebell nagusap pa kami kung ano mga gagawin namin: na maaga daw kami magkita para buong araw kami magkasama, dadalhin nya daw ako dun sa favorite nya na restaurant and stuffs. Then ung araw na, bago ako umalis ng bahay, tinawagan ko siya. Unattended and number nya pero tumuloy pa rin ako. Naghintay ako sa wala. Dumiretso sa kaibigan para maglabas ng sama ng loob, then try ko uling tawagan then nagbigay ng reason (naniniwala pa rin ako sa reason nya hanggang ngayon). Then pag-uwi ko sa amin, nakatanggap ako ng text galing sa kanya na sabing maghanap na lang daw ako ng iba. Lam nyo un na di raw sya worth para sa kin and sayang lang daw time ko. SHIT! Para akong sinakluban ng langit at lupa. Isang buwan din akong nagmukmok at nalungkot dun at habang nagdadalamhati ako ay nabuo ko itong "ANG PAGSASAYAW SA PINAKAMIMITHING TALA SA SALIW NG MUSIKA NG KALAWAKAN". Syempre gawa ko to kaya nasabi kong maganda pero maraming nakapagbasa at majority naman sa kanila sabi maganda, may nanghingi ng kopya, nagpapasa sa internet.
Sana magustuhan nyo siya! You will learn something from it. Pagtyagaan na din kasi medyo mahaba!

Ang Pagsayaw sa Pinakamimithing Tala sa Saliw ng Musika ng Kalawakan
ni busted_geek12 (pang-teenager na pen name)

Minsan kang naglalakad sa dilim ng karimlan, blangko ang utak na parang robot na pilit binubuhay ng kapiranggot na kuryenteng dumadaloy galing sa nabubulok na baterya. May kung anong pwersa ang tumulak sa iyo pang tumingin sa kalangitan at may nakita kang bumuhay sa naghihingalong apoy sa iyong kalooban. Isang tala, nagniningning ng kakaiba sa mga ibang tala sa kalawakan, tila nagpapapansin upang manakaw ang iyong atensyon. Dahil sa angking kaakitan, ay pinangarap mong maabot at maangkin siya. Walang gabing hindi mo sinusulyapan ang kutitap nitong lalong gumaganda sa pagdaan ng mga araw. Ilang beses mo ring napanaginipang sumasayaw kasama siya sa saliw ng musika ng kalawakan.
Isang gabi, napanaginipan mong inaabot mo ang iyong tala sa pinakamataas na bundok ng iyong pangarap. Hindi pa rin sapat ang taas nito upang maabot siya. Sa iyong pagkagulat, unti-unting lumiliwanag ito, napansin mong ito’y bumaba at lumalapit sa iyong direksyon. Sa kanyang paglapit, lalo kang namangha sa kanyang karikitan. Inabot niya ang kamay mo at sinabing, “Sumama ka sa akin at tayo’y sumayaw sa aking mundo.” Dahan-dahang ka niyang inangat. Mahigpit ang paghawak mo sa kanya, dama mo ang hirap ng paglalakbay sa mataas na mundong kanyang kinabibilangan ngunit hindi mo ito alintana. Ang galak ay namutawi sa iyong kalooban. Pagdating doon ay umapaw sa iyong tenga sa ganda ng musika ng kalawakan. Kakaiba ito sa musika sa ibaba ngunit ang tunog nito’y humihila sa iyo upang igalaw ang iyong katawan. “Magsayaw tayo”, ang malambing niyang sabi. Mahigpit mo siyang niyakap at sumayaw sa saliw ng musika ng kalawakan. Ang tuwang iyong nadarama ay umaapaw sa iyong damdamin. Kahit sarili mo’y hindi maipaliwanag ito ngunit hindi mo ito iniintindi, ang mahalaga ay kasama mo ang iyong pinakamimithing tala. Ayaw mo nang magising sa pangarap na ito. Ilang sandali pa’y napansin mong nagsisilapit ang ibang tala sa inyo. Taglay din nila ang kagandahang ng isang tala. Hinawakan ka nila at pilit nilang inilalayo sa iyo ang talang nagbibigay sa iyo nang kaligayahan. Nanlaban ka ngunit higpit-hawak nilang sinabing “Hindi ka nararapat dito, hindi ka pwedeng mabuhay sa mundong ginagalawan namin.” Sa iyong pagpupumiglas, nasulyapan mo ang mundo sa ibaba, ang mga taong malapit sa iyo. Tinitingala ka nila at pilit ka nilang inaabot habang mahabag na pinanonood ang iyong pakikibaka para sa iyong tala. Tuloy sa paglaban sa mahigpit na hawak ng mga tala, “Hindi ka nararapat dito. Hindi ka pwedeng mabuhay sa mundong ginagalawan namin. Nakalas ka sa kanilang mahigpit na pagkakahawak at pagkatapos nito’y bumulusok paibaba. Habang bumabagsak ay napatingin ka sa iyong tala at nakita mong pinanood niya ang paghila sa iyo ng lupa. Hindi mo inalis ang titig mo sa kanyang nagmamakaawa. Unti-unting humihina sa iyong pandnig ang musika ng kalawakan at hanggang sa liwanag na lang ang iyong tala sa iyong paningin. Matagal ang iyong pagbagsak, tanda ang taas nang iyong pinanggalingan. Maya-maya pa’y naramdaman mong sumayad na ang iyong katawan sa malambot na lupa. Nasasabik ito sa iyong pagbabalik. Inakay ka sa iyong pagtayo ng mga taong sa iyo kanina’y nanonood. Naluluha silang nakatingin sa iyo, nasasalamin mo sa kanilang mga mata ang pagkahabag. Muli ay tiningala mo ang iyong tala.
Nagising kang humihikbi at umaalingawngaw sa iyong pandinig ang “Hindi ka nararapat dito, hindi ka pwedeng mabuhay sa mundong ginagalawan namin.” Nilingon mo ang iyong pinakamimithing tala sa bulok at makipot na bintana ng iyong madilim sa silid. Muli, binalikan mo ang alaala ng iyong panaginip. Malinaw ito na parang totoo ang mga pangyayari; ang ‘di maipintang kaligayahan iyong nadama habang kasayaw mo ang iyong pinakamimithing tala, ang pakikipaglaban mo upang makuha mo siya, ang pauli-ulit na babala ng ibang mga tala, ang walang ekspresyong mukha ng iyong tala habang pinanood kang bumubulusok pababa, ang nasasabik sa pagsalo sa iyo nang malambot na lupa at pagdamay ng mga taong malapit sa iyo. Naupo ka sa gilid ng kama, nag-iisip at nagmumuni-muni. Hindi masamang maghangad sa bagay na gusto mong maangkin. Maaaring ito ang maging daan sa reyalisasyon mo sa buhay at pagkakalilanlan sa sarili ngunit ang pagnais na mapasaiyo ang mga imposibleng bagay at maabot ang mga pagkatayog-tayog na mga pangarap sa isang iglap ay siyang maging daan sa isang masalimuot na pagbagsak.
Minsan din akong nangarap, pinilit kong abutin ang talang aking pinakamimithi. Pilit akong namuhay sa kanilang mundo, sumayaw sa kanilang tugtog, bumagsak at inakay ng mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa akin. Napagisip-isip ko na lahat ng bagay ay may hangganan, kahit pangarap, may limitasyon. Gayunpaman, naging inspirasyon ko ang aking pinakamimithing tala na minsa’y sa aking panaginip ay aking nakasayaw sa saliw ng musika ng kalawakan.

One of the frustrated things that I did. Ung mga bagay lang na maipagpapasalamat ko sa mga pangyayari na to sa buhay ko, natututo ako, sa iba't ibang klaseng tao at sitwasyon. At least, ngayon medyo nabawasbawasan na ung masyadong pagkaka-hook ko sa tao. Pero ang di lang maiba, ung pakiramdam kapag matatapos na pala. Parang hinahanap ko sa paligid ko ung ibang permamentang bagay bukod sa pamilya. May makakapagsabi ba sa akin na wala?

Separated by Usher

2006-12-25T19:45:00.000+07:00

Oh no, no, no, no
If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go
So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated
Causw we're better off, so much better off, separated
I'm sorry we didn't make it...

Airport Scenes

2006-12-21T23:17:00.000+07:00

Malimit lang ako napupunta ng airport, siguro dahil sa ilang mga pagkakataon na hindi madaling alalahanin ang mga ilang pagkakataon na nasa airport ako, mga pagkakataon na maranasan ang mga nakakalungkot na pag-alis. Pero kung aalahanin, may mga mas importanteng bagay na nangyari.

Scene 1
Manila International Airport, Philippines

After the baggage check and check-in, bayad kami ng travel tax then sa passport control/immigration check. Hinarang kami dun kasi masyado daw mahaba ung 3 months para mag stay kami rito sa Thailand. So balik sa airlines then pinapalit ng 1 month, ung number ng day para sa tourist staying in Thailand. Pagbalik sa immigration, hindi pa rin pinayagan ung 1 month ng masungit na babae. Pinamove nya ng one week. Balik kami sa airlines, nilagay lang sa ticket na one-week pero valid daw ung for 3 months kasi un ung ticket na binili namin. After nun, saka lang kami pinayagan makapasok sa eroplano. After that mas matinding eksena, nawala ko passport ko sa Bangkok.

Scene 2
Don Muang International Airport, Thailand
Di sanay ung friend ko na umaalis ng maraming bagahe. Pag pupunta sya ng ibang bansa, usually backpacking lang ginagawa nya. This time he will stay na sa America, then sabi sa kanya na he can bring baggages weighing 60 kgs. pero kelangna nyang ilagay yun sa 2 baggages. So he thought na ok lang basta 60 kgs, nilagay nya sa isang baggage. Sa check in di pumayag, o he had to buy one more luggage, ang nangyari he brought all the books then iniwan nya sa amin ung mga damit nya.

Scene 3
Suwarnabhumi International Airport, Thailand
One group of seamen from Jeddha, pauiw ng Pinas. sabi ng agent nila they can carry 40 kg baggage. So ok lang from Jeddah to Bahrain then to Moscow nd Bangkok. Pagdating sa Bangkok, ang plane nila: airbus ng Cebu Pacific (na ilang mga paahero ang nawalan ng bagahe from Bangkok and from Manila) so allowed lang 20 kg; 27 kung kasama ung hand carry. So they unloaded their baggages then ilipat sa hand carry. Some are so desperate na iniwan na lang sa amin ung mga laundry soaps, bigay lang naman daw sa kanila un ng company so they don't want to pay for it. Ayaw nila magbayad ng overbaggage kasi gusto nila na pera na lang ang iuwi nila sa Pinas.

Mga ilang eksena sa airport, mga problemang nakakatuwa, nakakataranta at lagi mong maaalala.

Gratitude of a Teacher to a Student and a Friend

2006-08-30T13:55:00.000+07:00

May ilang taon din akong nakisalamuha sa kabataan noong nasa Pinas ako. Isa akong guro, sabi nga nila hindi mo man gustuhin, magkakaroon ng impluwensya sa iyo ang mga esudyante mo, bawat isa sa kanila, magkakaroon ng tatak sa pagkatao nila ang pagkakalilanlan nila sa iyo.

Sa ikalawang taon ng aking pagtuturo, pagkatapos ng graduation ko sa kolehiyo, sa mga kamay ng mga 4th year High School students ako bumagsak. Advisory ko ang klaseng 4C. Mga salitang aking nagamit para ilarawan ang mga bata sa klaseng un: batang kalye, delingkwente, tamad mga walang pangarap sa buhay. Walang pakundangang magsigawan sa pasilyo ng paaralan, at parang snack lang ang pgmumura sa kanila, hindi na bago kung makarinig ka sa pagpasok mo sa araw-araw. Nasabi ko na lang, isang taong kalbaryo, wala akong magawa, kailangang mabuhay.

Ngunit sa paglipas ng ilang buwan, ang mga estudyanteng tinawag kong delingkwente ang sa huli'y nakauunawa at nakapagpahalaga sa bawat maliliiit at malalaking bagay na ginagawa ko bilang isang guro. Hindi ako naiwan sa ere at naging panibagong araw ang bawat pagpasok ko sa klaseng un: panibagong araw para mabigyan ng bagong kaalaman ang mga batang nangangailangan.

Si Vicky, isa sa mga commoners ng klase. Mawala man sa klase, hindi halata. Ordinaryong bata, minsan masipag, minsan hindi. Masigla, aktibo sa pagsali sa mga activities sa paaralan, responsable, maasahan. Sa una hindi mo masasabing masayahin, ordinaryo. Sa mga kaibigan at malalapit na kaklase umiikot ang buhay nya. Bawat isa sa kanila ay tinuturing nyang kayamanan, pinahahalagahan.

Sa ilang mga huling buwan ko din nakilala ng maigi si Vicky. Nagsimula syang maging open sa akin. Sabihan ng sama ng loob, sikreto at mga impit na kilig sa ilang mga crushes sa labas at loob ng school. Palatawa, palaging nakangiti. Naging malapit si Vicky sa akin sampu ng ilang mga kaibigan nya.

Sa mga ilang huling araw ko sa Pinas, sila ang minsa'y aking nakasama. Hindi ko pinaaalam sa aking mga estudyante ko ang aking tirahan sa kadahilanang malapit ito sa paaralan na pinagtatrabahuhan ko at malapit sa ilang tirahan ng mga estudyante ko. Minsan isang bakasyon nagulat ako't nakarting sila sa bahay ko. Pinagtanong-tanong kung saan nakatira ang isang Teacher Philip. Madaling matunton kasi ako lang naman ang "Teacher Philip" sa lugar namin. Ang may pakana, si Vicky.

Minsang nakasama ko sila sa bahay ng isang kaibigan, nilulubos ang mga ilang huling araw ko sa Pinas kasama ng mga masasayahing tao. Minsan naikwento ko rin sa kanila ang mga ilang bagay tungkol sa akin. Mga bagay na minsan naikukuwento ko lang sa aking mga kaibigan. Naging maluwag na ang loob ko sa mga ordinaryong esrudyante na ito. Taimtim silang nakinig sa aking mga kwento, nakitawa nalungkot sa mga iilang eksena. Sa una'y naiisip ko na nakaapekto ako sa buhay nila, at sa mga ilang araw, nakasama ako sa mundo nila, at nakaapekto sila sa aking pagkatao at prinsipyo bilang isang guro.

Minsang nakikinig kami ng radyo, tumugtog ang "Superstar" ni Jamelia. "Sir, para sa inyo po yang song na yan". Napangiti ako, sa buhay ng usang ordinaryong bata, isa akong Superstar. Bago ako umalis, minsan nasabi ko sa kanila, pagbalik ko sama-sama ulit tayo tapos nightlife tayo, siguro sa panahon na yun legal na kayong umuwi ng madaling-araw.

Isang araw bago ako umalis, sabay-sabay silang nagpaalam sa akin. Sabi ko babalik pa ako at magkikita pa tayo.

Madalas ang palitan ng mga emails at messages. Pagkatapos nun, patuloy sya sa pag-aaral nya, ako sa pagtuturo kaya dumalang ang balitaan.

Nagulat na lang ako ng marinig ko ang isang balita kahapon. Wala na si Vicky. Inatake ng hika noong Linggo pagkatapos magtraining ng volleyball. Inalok ng kasama sa bahay na dalhin sa hospital ngunit sabi nya hintayin nya muna ang nanay nya, pagkadating ng nag-aalalang ina nagpaalam sya na pupuntang CR bago umalis at pagkalabas ng pasilyas nasabi na lang nya na "Ma, hindi ko na kaya" pagkatapos ay hinimatay. Dead on arrival ang sabi sa ospital. Naalala ko ang mga ilang huling araw na magkakasama kami ni Vicky at nang kanyang mga kaibigan. Hindi ko akalaing na ganun lang kabilis ang mga pangyayari. Masasayang alaala at masiglang Vicky ang aking naaalala, hindi ako makapaniwala.

Ordinaryong estudyante, nabansagang delingkwente ngunit sa huli'y may mga bagay pala silang mga estudyante ang magtuturo sa estudyante ng ilang bagay.

Ang pangakong muling pagkikita, itutuloy ko pa rin. Kasama ng ilang mga kaibigan, kahit wala na si Vicky. Alam ko kahit na hindi namin sya kasama, daladala na rin namin ang kanyang alaala at masasabi naming nandyan lang sya, katulad ng madalas nyang gingawa, nanonood, nakikinig at nakikitawa sa mga kwentuhan.

Hindi ko makakalimutan kung papapanong ang isang ordinaryong estudyante ang makakapagturo sa isang guro na katulad ko kung pano makatagal sa pagtahak na daan ng buhay. Nagiba ka man ng daan, nawala sa aming tabi, balang-araw magkakasama din ulit tayo. Hindi ka man namin kapiling alam namin na masaya ka.

Salamat at paalam...

First Year of Teaching in Thailand

2006-06-15T17:54:00.000+07:00

Lakas-loob kong pinasok ang mundo ng pagtuturo sa Thailand. Sa isip-isip ko, hindi naman siguro mahirap, katulad din naman to ng ginagawa ko sa Pilipinas. Pagkatapos ng 2 linggo paghihintay ng tawag sa mga sinubukan pasukan na trabaho sa internet, sinubukan kong mag-apply ng personal. Sinubukang tahakin ang mga kalsadang bago sa paningin, hindi natakot na baka hindi na makabalik sa bahay. Pag may nadaanang paaralan, susubukan. Papipirmahin ka ng application form at sasabihinh tatawagan na lang sila. Unang araw, mahirap maghanap 2 school lang ang nakita ko. Ikalawang araw, pareho ng kapalaran.

Kinabukasan, nakatanggap ako ng tawag, interview daw sa isang school malayu-layo sa tirahan ko. Sige, subukan na natin. Sa interview, napansin kong parang hindi Thai ang nagiinterview sa akin, iba kasi ang accent nya sa pagsasalita. Sa Pilipinas, teacher ako ng high school, sa school na yun, Grade 2 lang ang bakante. Tinanong ako kung kaya ko ba daw, sabi ko sa sarili ko, high school nga kinaya ko, primary pa kaya. Umoo ako, kasabay ang sabing tatawagan na lang daw ulit nila ako. Pagkauwi, nagbasa ako ng email ko, nagreply ang isa sa mga inaaplyan ko sa internet, mas malaki nag kauinti ang alok kaya lang probinsya, pero tinawagan ko at sinabing pupunta ako kinabukasan. Kinaumagahan, nakatanggap ulit ako ng tawag, sa school na naginterview sa akin at pinababalik ako sa school. Nasabi ko nung una na hindi ako makakapunta, bumanat ang kaibigan ko, "loko, pinababalik ka na ibig sabihin tatanggapin ka na". Pagkarinig ng mga salitang yun, binawi ko kaagad at sinabing darating ako matapos ang tanghalian. Nung araw lang na iyon ko lang natitigan ang pangalan ng school: INTERKIDS BILINGUAL SCHOOL. Bilingual, mahusay na siguro sa English ang mga bata rito. Nakausap ko ang may-ari ng school kasama ang naginterview sa akin at ang magiging bossing ko. Umoo sa alok na sweldo, kaunting orientation, kahit alam na magkakaroon ng kaunting problema, tinanggap nila ako, bukas na ang start ko. Halos di ako makatulog sa gabi, marahil sa kaba at excitement ang magkasabay na ibinubulalas ng dibdib ko.

June 15, 2005
Madali lang to sabi ko. First period, sa kabilang section (hindi ko Homeroom class) , aba, ok pala eh, madali lang talaga. Second period (Homeroom class ko). Good morning class. Deadma ako sa pansitan. Good morning class, may isang batang sumigaw sa Thai, nagsitahimik at tumayo lahat. Gooood moooorniiiiiiing Teeeaaaaacheeeer. Pakilala, hindi pa rin ako pinapansin. Inisip ko mga bata, kailangan di ako magpakita ng terror teacher image. Nagdidiscuss ako ng lesson, may nagliliparang papel, may mga batang nagre-wrestling sa likod, may nakikinig, may nakatingin pero di ko maintindihan kung maniintindihan ako. Sinubukan kong magtanong sa isang bata, tinitigan lang ako. Tinanong ko, "Do you understand me?", patuloy sya sa pagtitig. Nagpatuloy ito sa mga sumunod na periods at palala ng palala ang sitwasyon. Natapos ang araw, umuwi ako, kinausap ang kaibigan, umiiyak, ayoko ng pumasok bukas. Natulog ako, buo na ang desisyon ko. Nagising ako kinabukasan, nagsimulang magulo ang utak ko, at nagiisip na kung aayaw ako, may makukuha pa kaya akong trabaho at hindi ba mangyayari sa akin ang nangyari kahapon. Nagdasal ako, nagisip, sige pasok ulit ako. Kinabukasan, parehong sitwasyon, hindi na pwedeng maulit ang nangyari kahapon. Nagalit ako, nagimbal ang mga bata at natapos ang araw nang matiwasay.

Saka ko lang din napansin ang mga kasama ko sa trabaho, halos lahat Pilipino, nanggaling sa iba't-ibang parte ng Pilipinas. From Aparri to Jolo. Napag-isip-isip ko na kung gano kalaki ang mundo noong nasa Pilipinas kami ay syang kinaliit naman nya't nagkasama-sama kami. Nagsimulang gumanda ang unang magulong unang araw ko sa IBS. Naging maayos ang trabaho kasama ang mga kababayan. Naalala ko tuloy yung sinabi ng isang kasama ko sa school noon. Mas gugustuhin ko na maliit man ang sahod ko, at least maayos naman ang trabaho ko at pakikisama ko sa mga katrabaho ko kaysa naman malaki naman ang sahod mo kaya lang di ka naman komportable makatrabaho ang mga kasama mo. May tama sya! Maayos ang trabaho ko at maluwag ang loob ko dahil maayos ang pakikisama ko sa mga katrabaho ko. Masaya na ako don.

Kaya lang ang buhay parang gulong, naging maayos ang sumunod na buwan hanggang sa ilang buwan bago matapos ang taon, minsan akong nasubukan ng kapalaran kung karapat-dapat ako sa propesyong pinili ko. Kumalat ang mga balita tungkol sa akin, sa aking pagtuturo, sa pakikitungo ko sa aking mga estudyante, mga paninira. Ilang linggo din akong umiiyak sa gabi at pinapanalangin na kung aalisin at matatanggal din ako sa trabaho, maging maaga sana. Nakipagagutan sa kasama sa trabaho (katutubo) at napagalamang sa kanya nanggagaling ang mga kumakalat na balita na halos ikasuklam ko ng mga magulang ng aking mga estudyante. Minsan pumasok sa utak ko na napapaikot pala talaga ng pera ang mundo. Pakiramdam ng mga may pera na 'to, pag-aari na nila ang mga guro, paandarin ang pera para lang makuha lang ang gusto nila, kahit masira ang buhay ng kinaaayawan nila, kahit mawalan ako ng trabaho. Umabot sa huling buwan ng klase, nagkausap sa may-ari ng paaralan at nakaharap ang mga magulang. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngunit nakuha ko ang tiwala ng may-ari ng IBS. Kinampihan nya ako. Naawa ako sa kanya dahil sumunod na taon kalahati ng mga bata ang sa antas na yun ang umalis ng paaralan at nabalitaang magkakasamang lumipat nang isang paaralan kasama ang gurong katutubo. Muli, kasama ng panalangin pinatunayan sa akin ng Diyos na mali ang akala mo, hindi pera ang magpapakilala sa yo sa mundo, kundi ang sarili mo mismo, ang magandang pakikitungo mo sa kapwa mo at pagkukumbaba. Nalipat ako sa ibang branch ng paaralan (IBS 3), kasama ang pangakong gagawin ko ang lahat para makabawi sa kamalasang dinala ko. Sa tulong ng mga kaibigan, unti-unti akong lumaban, tinulungan ako isipin na di ko kasalanan ang mga nangyari. Ngayon nagsisimula akong bumawi.

Ngayon, nasa bagong kapaligiran, bagong antas na tinuturuan at bagong responibilidad na dapat gampanan. Mas mabigat kaysa sa nakaraang taon, susuko ba ako o hararapin ko ng buong tapang ang mga challenges na to?

Isang taon, masasabi kong di rin naging mganda ang performance ko, kasama ang mga di naiwasang pangyayari ngunit salamat sa tiwala ng mga kaibigan at ng mga bisor. Pinapangako ko sa inyo, hindi ko kayo bibiguin. Isang pagkakataon para sa sarili ko na di dapat sayangin.

Nagbibilang ng Taon...

2006-05-29T17:28:00.000+07:00

Eksakto isang taon, sa ganitong oras, nakasakay ako sa van. Maraming tao ang kumakausap sa akin pero lutang ang utak ko. Kaba, takot, kalungkutan, pagkasabik at kaunting kaligayahan...naisip ko wala na akong magagawa, sa totoo lang, meron pa, pero pinili kong hindi lumingon pabalik. Naghihintay sa akin ang bagong buhay, kapalarang dapat tuparin at pangarap na dapat abutin. Walang dahilan para sumuko.

Maraming problema ang aking kinaharap sa airport. Baggage check na isa-isang tatanungin kung para saan ang dala mo. Sa immigration check ko lang naalala ang pinakamahalagang bagay na nakalimutan ko bago ako umalis ng bahay; ang address na aking tutuluyan sa Thailand. Ilang minutong tanungan, bilangan ng pera at pagpapaschedule ng tiket papalik. Ang pang3buwan na tiket bago bumalik, naging pang 1 linggo. Gusto kong nang sumuko, na isa itong senyales na hindi magiging maganda ang buhay mo. Ngunit pinili ko pa ring harapin ito.

Pagpapaalam... ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat. Gusto ko mang itanim sa isip ko na pansamantala lang ang pagkawalang ito, na pagkatapos ng ilang buwan o taon, muli akong babalik ngunit makita ang lungkot sa mga mata ng pamilya ko, nag-umpugan ang langit ang lupa, naiipit ako sa gitna. Subalit pinakita ko sa lahat na, maging maayos ang lahat, na wala silang dapat intindihin.

Sa paglipad ng eroplano, sa tabi ng bintana, nakikita ko kung pano lumiliit ang mundong dating kinagagalawan ko, unti-unting natutunaw, lumalabo, nawawala. Naluha ako. Matapos ang ilang oras, bagong tanawin ang aking nakita sa tabi ng bintana, liwanag na mas maliwanag sa Maynila, mas malawak na lupain. May saya at sabik sa puso ko, nakikita ko na ang magiging bgong buhay ko.

Bumaba ng eroplano, kinuha ang kamuntikang mawalang bagahe, sinalubong ang naghihintay na kaibigan, umuwi sa bagong tahanan at nagpahinga kasama ang tinig sa aking utak na "Harapin mo ang bagong buhay at pangarap na naghihintay sa'yo."

Kinabukasan, sa pagaayos ng gamit ko, nalaman kong nawawala ang passport ko. Kasabay nito ang takot at malaking pagkabahala. Nasa malayong lugar ako ng walang pangalan.

Kasabay na pangarap ang takot, kasama ang lungkot, ilang gabi sa ilang buwan napapaiyak ako. Parang gusto ko nang umuwi, ngunit pano. Iniisip ko na lang noon na un ang dahilan kaya siguro nawala ang passport at tiket ko, napauwi na lang akong bigla. Sa loob ng 22 taon ng buhay ko, kasama ko ang pamilya ko, walang panahon na nawala ako sa puder ng mg magulang ko, minsan sa aking kabataan, nagbakasyon ako sa probinsya at pagkatapos ng ilang araw, muli akong pinasundo ng aking ina dahil sa lungkot at pagaalala. Kaya sa unang linggo na hindi ko sila kasama, parang gusto kong tumawin ng lupa at iluwa sa Caloocan.

Matapos ang ilang araw nakahanap ng mapagkukuhanan ng pera. Kasabay na rin nito ang pagiging manhid na ng utak ko sa problema ko. Minsan naging pabaya ako, sa kadahilanang mapalitan ang pagkalungkot, namasyal ako sa ilang lugar. Kasama ang ilang tao, gumastos ng ilang halaga sa maraming pagkakataon. Hindi inalintana ang takot na mahuli, ikulong at pabalikin sa Pilipinas. Ilang buwan din na minsan nakalimot ako sa totoong silbi ko sa mundo, sa pamilya ko. Hanggang sa pagdating ng isang kaibigan, unti-unti nyang pinakita sa akin ang mundo, kung saan ako pwede dalhin ng mga pangarap ko, mas malayo pa sa mga napuntahan ko. Unti-unting nagkaroon ng liwanag ang buhay ko at lakas ng loob upang lutasin ang problema ko. Sa ilang linggo, naging gabay ko ang taong ito, hanggang sa sya naman ang umalis, para abutin ang kanyang pangarap.

Minsan din na nagkamali ako ng pinili ng taong sasamahan. Sabi ng mama ko, problema ko na raw un noong bata pa ako. Naging mapagbigay daw ako sa kaibigan na wala nang naiiwan sa sarili ko, at kapag nawala sila, lugmok na ang mundo ko. Napagisip-isip ko ang mga bagay na yun. Katulad ng nangyari sa akin, ngunit ang pagkakaiba hindi ko piniling malugmok ang mundo ko. Lumaban ako. Pinakita ko na hindi ilang taong di karapat-dapat ang sisira sa mga pangarap ko. Tumayo ako at muling lumaban karamay ang mga tunay na taong nagmamalasakit. Harapan nila akong dinadagukan sa mga pagkakamali, iuntog sa pader para matauhan sa ilang pagkakataon na nawawala ako sa sarili at kasamang nakikisaya sa mga bagay na aking naabot.
Hindi sila nagbubulagbulagan sa totoong kulay ng mundo. Matapang nilang inaakyat ang bundok ng kanilang pangarap kahit may ilang hinahawakan sila sa paa at pilit na hinahatak pababa. Hindi nila sinisipa ang humila, bagkus sa sariling lakas hinahatak nila ang kanilang katawan pataas. Ngayon, kasama nila akong inaakyat ang bundok ng pangarap, tinuruang wag humawak sa ibang paa para umangat at wag sipain ang mga humahatak pababa. Kasabay ang gabay ng malayong kaibigan, inspirasyon ng pamilya't kaibigan at ang mapagpalang-gabay ng Maykapal.

Ngayon, napalitan ang nawalang passport, nakuha ng bagong bisa, nagkaroon ng magandang trabaho at nilalakad ang mga papeles para sa permiso na makapagtrabaho, nagiging kasingliwanag na ng araw ang pag-asang maabot ang mga pangarap ko.

Isang taon ang lumipas, at matapos ang ilang buwan, muli kong naramdaman ang aking nadama noong nakaraang taon. Sariwang-sariwa pa sa isip ko ang mga pangyayaring yaon pero ngayon mas malakas na ang lakas na loob na harapin ang mga pangarap ko. Magbilang man ako ng ilan pang taon, alam ko magiging maliwanag ang lahat. Naging mas matapang ako na harapin ang lahat ng bagay mag-isa, kasama ko naman ang mga nagmamalasakit na kaibigan, ang inspirasyon ng pamilya, ang walang humpay na pagmamalasakit at gabay ng isang malayong kaibigan at ang walang kaduda-dudang kapangyarihan ng panalangin, alam ko may nakikinig sa akin. Handa akong magbilang pa ng taon.

Crossing Borders

2006-05-23T18:16:00.000+07:00

May 16, 2006

"Ma, nakalabas na ako ng Laos, nasa Thailand na ulit ako, success ang pag-exit ko and nakakuha na ako ng non-Immigrant B visa."
"Hay naku kuya, sa lahat ng balilta mo sa akin, yan ang pinakamaganda! Makukutulog na rin ako sa gabi!"
"Ako rin po, sige ma tawag na lang ulit ako sa pag nakarating na ako ng Bangkok."

It was almost a year ago when I arrived here in Bangkok, naiwan ang tahanang aking nakagisnan. Sa di inaasahang at pagkamalas-malas na pagkakataon, naiwala ko ang passport ko na hindi ko alam kung sa airport mismo o sa taxi. Tanong nga nila pano ko nawala, sabi ko sa kanila ganun din ang mangyayari sa inyo pag pinagsama mo ang katangahan at jetlag.

Sa maraming buwan dumaan ang mga araw ko na sa pagmulat ng aking mga mata kasabay na ang kabog ng dibdib na mapunta sa kaloboso bago pauwiin ng Pilipinas. May mga panahong, aaminin ko, nawala rin sa utak ko dahil sa masasayang bagay na nasa paligid ko na paglaon ay nalaman ko ang kung ano ang itim na nasa likod nito. Nalugmok ako, nawalan ng pag-asa at naisip na tapusin na lang ang mga problema sa malagim na paraan.

Sa tulong ng ilang kaibigan ay muli akong bumangon, muli naisip ko ang panahong naaksaya ko ng ilang buwan samantalang may mas mahalaga akong dapat isipin at sa tulong na rin ng mga taong may mahabaging puso, naitayo ko ang lugmok kong katawan, nagipon ng sapat na lakas upang simulang tuparin ulit ang naudlot na pangarap.

Kahalintulad ng paglabas ko sa Thailand para kumuha ng panibagong bisa. Pansamantalang iiwan ang mga problemang at harapin ang pinakamalaki sa lahat, Kahalintulad ng pagharap sa immigration officers ang katapangan na muling tumayo matapos ang ilang ulit na pagdapa. Kahalintulad nang pamamasyal sa Laos ang pagdama sa naguumapaw na saya pagkatapos ng matapang na pagharap sa problema. Kahalintulad ng muling pagbalik sa Bangkok ang muling pagharap sa buhay at tuparin ang mga pangarap.

Ngayon, sasabihin kong mas nagkaron ng silbi ang buhay ko. Wala man ang mga masasayang lakwatsa ngunit nakikita ko ang tunay na kaligayahan kasama ang mga tunay na kaibigan, wala sa pinuntahan, kundi kung pano pinasaya ang sarili sa lahat ng simpleng lakaran. Wala man sa kung gano kalaki ang kinikita mo sa trabaho, kundi kung ang saya ng makapagtrabaho ng mapayapa at matiwasay.

Ngayon, matapang ko nang haharapin ang mga pangarap ko.

At Home!!!

2006-04-18T16:14:00.000+07:00

(I wrote this blog last December 30, 2005 in my Friendster blog.)

It's the season to be jolly (pra la la la la, la la , la la), time for you to spend more quality time with your family, to show how you love them. Pero ako, I don't have the opportunity kasi malayo ako sa kanila. At least, by emails or phone calls, nakakausap ko sila.
Buti na lang, I have families here na nagpapasaya sa malungkot at malamig na pasko ko (drama....)

Family Number One: Klongtan Family

Members:Jeanny, Ate Marife, Fritz, Francis, Bryan, Ate Pinay, Kuya Reggie, Ate Cheng, Banne

Sila ang unang umalalay sa kin nung bagong dating ako dito. The one that makes me feel happy kapag nahohomesick ako and nagpapalakas ng loob ko kapag nawawalan na ko ng lakas ng loob para makahanap ng trabaho o tumuloy sa trabaho nung mga first days ko sa school.
Kaya lang everybody must move on kaya nagkahiwahiwalay na nag lugar, may lumipat ng bahay at meron ding umuwi na ng Pinas, pero bumabalik pa rin ako sa Klongtan if I have time and actually, sa kanila aka nang-spent ng aking Pasko.

Family Number Two: Carrefour and Sansabai Girls

Members: Abigail, Joy, Caryl, Helen, Cynthia, Judith, Agnes, Joanne CG, Iche, Judith, Shayne, Joanne SG, Grace, Mishel, and Richelle

Sila ang mga kasama ko sa trabaho, and mga kapitbahay. We are working in one school name but in different branches. Ang Carrefour Girls ang mga kasama ko sa bahay ngayon. Sila ang sumalo sa akin nang minsang binitiwan na ako ng pagkakataong mahanap ang mapayapang pamumuhay dito sa Bangkok. Sa pagsalong yun, kasama na rin ang mga pangaral sa buhay na ang saya ay hindi mo makikita sa ibang tao, hanapin mo ito sa pinakasentro ng puso mo. Naging masinop ako sa dating maluhong buhay y natutuong makuntento sa mga simpleang bagay. Sila ang nagpatatag ng loob ko na harapin ang mundo ng nakataas noo kahit na ang masayang mundong inaakala ko ay nakayukong tumitingin sa'kin. Sila ang second chance ko na hanapin ang magagandang bagay at tuklasin ang ganda ng buhay ng walang hinihinging kapalit. Sila ang nagpatunay sa kahulugan ng tunay na kaibigan.

I'm very grateful that I met this type of persons, bihira ang mga species ng ganitong uri ng tao, siguro dahil alam namin na pare-pareho kaming malayo sa aming tunay na tahanan at wala nang ibang magtutulungan kundi kami-kami ring mga Filipinos dito. Tinuruan nila ako na hindi magiging madali ang mga bagay dito pero kailangan tatagan ang loob para maappreciate mo lahat ng maaachieve mo at hindi magmata sa sandaling naging maganda ang disposisyon mo ngayon.

Salamat sa inyo guys!

Mga Kwento nang Pag-ibig

2006-03-28T09:22:00.000+07:00

Karugtong na sa buhay ng tao ang pag-usapan ang tungkol sa pag-ibig. Ang pagkwento sa mga karanasang pang-Maalaala mo Kaya. May malungkot, happy-ending, adventure, minsan may horror pa. ilan ito sa ilang kwentong tumatak sa isip po galing sa mga taong aking nakasalimuha.

Mahal nila ang isa't-isa, handa na silang harapin ang buhay na sabay nilang uusungin ang maalon na takbo ng buhay, plano na ang kanilang kasal. Isang gabing nagaway sila, umuwi ang lalaki na may bigat sa kalooban at ang babae na may luha sa mata. Sa pagsikat nang araw nang sumunod na araw, kasama sa paggising ng babae ang balitang aksidente ng lalaki. Hindi nakadalaw ang babae sa ospital, isang beses na pinilit nyang kausapin ang lalaki sa telepono, inaalala ang nakaraan, pagpapatawad sa mga kasalanan at muling pagtanggap sa isat-isa. Pagkatapos ng pag-uusap, ay ang huling hiningang binigay ng lalaki para sa babae. Ngayon, kakambal na sa alaala ng babae ang alaala ng kanyang mahal kahit sa pagsuong nya sa buhay sa ibang bansa. Ginamit nyang inspirasyon ang malungkot na alaala ng pag-ibig.

Sampung taon ding tumagal ang kanilang pag-ibig. Marami nga sa kanilang kaibigan ang nagsasabing sila na talaga ang para sa isa't-isa. Nang dahil sa kahirapan sa buhay, kahit masakit sa loob ng isa't-isa ay pinili ng babae ng lumipad at hanapin ang kapalaran sa ibang bansa. Malungkot ang naging pagpapaalam nila sa isat'sa. Patuloy ang kanilang komunikasyon, palitan nang mga sulat at makuntento sa maliit na oras na muling iparamdam sa isa't-isa ang kanilang pagmamahalan. Inspirasyon ng babae ang kanilang alaala sa araw-araw na pagsusumikap sa ibang bansa. Pagkatapos ng 3 buwan, muling bumalik ang babae sa Pilipinas, sa kanilang probinsya. Pasalubong sa kanya ang balitang may ibang kasintahan na ang lalaki at nasa Maynila. Kasabay rin nito ang pagtunaw ng manipis na hibla ng komunikasyon ng dalawa. Pagkatapos ng ilang buwan, muling nagplano ang babae na pumunta sa ibang bansa, sa aitport muli silang nagkita. Bago sumakay ng eroplano ang babae, muling nagkausap ang dalawa, nagkapatawaran at sa huling pagkakataon ay higpit-yakap nilang tinanggap ang mga pangyayari sa kanilang buhay, ang pag-amin sa kanilang sarili na magkahiwalay na nilang hanapin ang kanilang kapalaran.

Mga kwentong pag-ibig, sa huli, ang alaala at pagpapatawad ang naging daan na kahit malungkot ang katapusan, pag-ibig ang nagturo sa bawat isa sa kanila na patuloy ang buhay at walang katapusan ang paghahanap ng bawat isa sa atin sa tunay at wagas na pag-ibig

My First Post!

2006-03-21T16:10:00.000+07:00

Trying how this thing works!